I've Been Hijacked

Today marks 8 weeks or how I like to view it, 2 months. This week has been a nightmare. I've been sick every single day this week and the timing seems to have no rhyme or reason. Yesterday was the first day I was able to eat 3 real meals, though I still vomited after breakfast. This little human growing in my body has hijacked everything about me. From my bladder to my meals, my time and stomach. I have zero control. Earlier this week I had my first emotional breakdown. I felt like I was failing at everything around me; my marriage, my job, my life. Even in that moment where I was crying my eyes out, I knew that this outburst was hormonally fueled and none of the things I was thinking were true. My shit is under control, because I'm type A and I keep it all together no matter what.

In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned my friend Kristen who has 4 children. I fondly think of her as a professional baby maker. She makes this whole thing seem like a piece of cake. She is tall and thin and when she is pregnant she has a little round basketball. As soon as she delivers, she looks completely normal again. If she was ever sick during her pregnancy, she never showed it and she prefers home water births of which I've seen pictures of and again she makes it look easy. She's a huge advocate of breastfeeding and nurses well into the 1st year of life. And even through the whole thing, she is still plays a loving mother to the rest of her children and an awesome wife to her sweet husband. Before getting pregnant and seeing Kristen in her pregnancy glory, I had hope that it just wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I was really effing wrong. I understand that every pregnancy is different, but it is really safe to say I am not going to elect to do this again. And sure you are thinking, "she'll change her mind after her baby is born" but I'm 31 and my husband is 35, we certainly are not getting any younger AND we would love to enjoy our 50s with grown up children. My parents adopted 4 more children after my brother and I and they are currently mid 50's with their youngest being a 5 year old. At 65, she will be a full fledged teenager and they will be seriously tired!

For now, I'm going to go enjoy the rest of the morning because I'm feeling great and don't want to waste it. Have a blessed day! xo