Belly Pics! Take 1!

Just Found Out

12 Weeks 5 days

Week 12 Ultrasound Day!

The final days of week 11 were a little rough with some morning sickness and lack of appetite. But yesterday (Sunday) I felt like the normal me. I had energy, I wasn't tired, I wanted to eat and more importantly I got the house clean. No it's not nesting. Cleaning is a normal part of my weekly regiment. But since getting pregnant I haven't had the energy to do much else than go to work and come home and lay down. Today was the Ultrasound that checked for any abnormalities, Down Syndrome and take measurements of the baby. It was magical! He/she was asleep for the entire time, funny enough with it's hand on it's head (just the way my husband sleeps... elbows out!). I had to cough a few times to wake that baby up so the ultrasound tech could continue the exam. Once the baby woke up, it was kicking its legs and rolling side to side and lord only knows what it was doing with those hands! It was absolutely breathtaking to watch. It was especially interesting because with all that movement, I didn't feel one single thing. I fondly refer to the baby as my dancing baby. With all that movement, I wonder if I will ever get sleep when it is big enough for me to feel it's movements. My doctor was in surgery so I did not get to meet with him and was told he would called me. I'm anxious to know if all my blood work came back normal or not.

I think I may have over done it in dance tonight. On the way out the door I was dizzy and seeing spots..... It was reminiscent of the beginning of a migraine without the huge headache. Though I do have one a small headache at the moment. Hopefully after I eat it will subside. I am so grateful to have gotten a glimpse at my little one today. What a blessing. xo

The end of Week 11

I'm seriously pregnant. It's real. The ultrasound made it very real to me; seeing that flashing (beating) heart on the ultrasound machine made everything come true. My visit to the doctors on Tuesday was great. They took like 5 vials of blood, did the normal pap stuff, and talked to me about any questions I had. My doctor has been my gyno for 15 years and has had the same nurse for that long so they know me, and that is comforting. What is also comforting is that this guy is a straight shooter. Some may see this as not having a good bedside manner, but I see this as someone who won't sugar coat the bad stuff and will just tell me what I need to hear and not fluff. I like that. I need that kind of person. If something isn't going to go right, or its going to hurt badly- I need to know; I don't want to hear "everything will be fine". Let me decide that.

Telling our friends and families has been both amazing and exhausting. Both of my husband's sisters called yelling and crying and barely able to form sentences. It was hilarious. The congratulations keep on rolling in and the Facebook comments are honestly just too much to read. I am super appreciative to hear how many people love and support our family. My favorite thing so far has been telling my dance families, especially my younger dancers. They ask questions about the sex of the baby, what I would like to have, what I will name it and my favorite so far, "well when you have a baby, who will teach us?". After I explain that I will have a substitute for just a little while, their faces cheer up, understanding that I will be back. Another great comment I keep receiving after I say there is a baby in my belly is, "But you are still skinny". LOL. I then smooth down my shirt and let them see that there is a small baby bump there and explain that my baby is smaller than an apple right now. I still have more students and parents to tell, but I am so happy that the cat is out of the bag because I don't have to hide my little bump anymore and look like the fat dance teacher (yes we have image problems, we stand in front of the mirror more hours than anyone else in the world- wouldn't you be critical of your body if looking at yourself in the mirror was part of your job? Lol).

I have another Ultrasound on Monday and I think maybe even more blood tests. If you are reading this in Florida- I hope you are enjoying the weather as much as I am. As for the rest of you, I'm sorry. :) Have a glorious Day! xo

Doctor appointment Numero Uno

I am a mixed bag of feelings today. Sometimes being logical and a realist is no fun at all. Just for today I want to live in the fantasy world where everything will be just fine. The doctor won't have any concerns, I'll see my child alive and well in my belly and go on my merry way happy and excited. Truth is, I'm scared! The scenario that plays out in my head is that while my doctor is talking to me, he seems concerned about my Thalassemia (Thalassemia is a blood disorder passed down through families (inherited) in which the body makes an abnormal form of hemoglobin, the protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen. The disorder results in excessive destruction of red blood cells, which leads to anemia. from Medlineplus.com), or they turn on that ultrasound and there is nothing...no heartbeat, no life, no little one. I'm really trying to be optimistic but at the same time trying to prepare myself for anything. This is a crazy vicious cycle I've put myself through ever since I was in a horrible relationship with an alcoholic; a mentally abusive, toxic relationship. It taught me to be ready for anything. Actually it taught me to be ready for the worst, because typically that was what I was getting. I learned a lot from that experience, and it made me tough but just for today I don't want to be that person.

Since week 10 started on Friday (Valentines Day), nothing exciting to report. Nausea here and there, fatigue- you know the normal stuff. My belly is getting puffy. I read that this is more from my bowels than the baby- but hey..it's still puffy. I've had some cramps, not so much in my uterus more in my stomach itself- my guess is from the ongoing expansion (sounds like a construction site). My hair is looking phenomenal! Normally a fine and limp, now feels a little thicker and seems to be growing back out nicely (a definite perk of pregnancy). So as long as everything goes okay today, we will be making our announcement tonight to everyone. My husband is ecstatic, I only wish we could celebrate this together. Our good friend Nino and his girlfriend, Jackie (coincidentally) seem to be on the same week as us----can't wait to tell them too ;)

Ok happy thoughts! You will see this all soon enough!
xo_JV



******As you all may know by now- Everything is great and the baby looks good. I am actually 11 weeks and not 10! Thanks for reading ;) xo

All alone in week 9

Remember when I said I wasn't craving anything in particular? That has drastically changed. I've been fixated on McDonalds Cheeseburgers for a straight week now. I haven't eaten crapdonalds (as I call it) in over a year! Why does my body want this garbage??  The answer is NO, I have not eaten it....but dang do I want it! Why can't I crave strawberries or even cake or waffles?

My husband left on Sunday for 5 weeks to train in Arkansas. I'm not sad to be alone because I'm really used to it, but I am sad that he will miss seeing my belly begin to grow and the first doctors appointment. Speaking of which, I am exactly 7 days away from confirming that all is well and growing fine. My heartburn has simmered down and I'm eating just fine minus the past two nights where I had a little right before bed. I haven't thrown up, but I still gag and even dry heave at picking up dog/cat bodily fluids...ewww.  So while my husband is gone, I typically do some sort of major house project. The last time he left, I completely redid our walk-in closet and put in some awesome shoe shelving. This time I need to tackle the guest room which will soon need to be transformed into the baby's room. The closet is FULL. There are 3 huge tupperware tubs full of teaching materials from when I was teaching preschool. I saved it all in case I ever needed to go back. The thing is, I can't say that I ever want to go back so I will empty out the bins and give my best friend, Juanita anything that she wants for her classroom. Then figure out what to do with the rest. This closet also doubles as craft storage and I just haven't the slightest idea what to do with all of that. Winter coats, military clothing and so much more is located in this closet. I'm going to have to come up with some creative solutions to be able to relocate all these things. For now I'm going to go snuggle a cat and relax before heading off to work. xo

Expanding

Tomorrow I reach 9 weeks. I have not been sick at all this week and had minimal indigestion and God, I am so thankful! I've been hungry, but not for anything in particular... except this one weird time I wanted Raman Noodles (which I haven't eaten in years). As I woke up in bed yesterday morning, I stretched my arms overhead and lengthened my legs and ooh! Did I do an ab workout yesterday? Nope. The answer is, my uterus is expanding to twice it's normal size this week (WHAT!?). That's some serious growing and it caused me to wake up to pee 6 times last night. Ree-dic-Q-less. I'm pretty sure I slept walked to the bathroom about half those times.

I'm having an increasingly hard time dressing for work. My shirts need to be a little on the baggy side because right now it looks like I've gained a few pounds and I don't want to be mistaken for a lazy dance teacher. I just want to say "I'm just pregnant people!" so they become sympathetic to my weight gain. I doubt it is much more than a few pounds, but it is incredibly noticeable to me and if I see it, someone else has too! As long as all goes well at the doctors on the 18th, we can make our big announcement in 2 short weeks. And then I can start pinning all the baby ideas on my Pinterest account that my heart desires!  It's the little things!
xo-JV

I've Been Hijacked

Today marks 8 weeks or how I like to view it, 2 months. This week has been a nightmare. I've been sick every single day this week and the timing seems to have no rhyme or reason. Yesterday was the first day I was able to eat 3 real meals, though I still vomited after breakfast. This little human growing in my body has hijacked everything about me. From my bladder to my meals, my time and stomach. I have zero control. Earlier this week I had my first emotional breakdown. I felt like I was failing at everything around me; my marriage, my job, my life. Even in that moment where I was crying my eyes out, I knew that this outburst was hormonally fueled and none of the things I was thinking were true. My shit is under control, because I'm type A and I keep it all together no matter what.

In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned my friend Kristen who has 4 children. I fondly think of her as a professional baby maker. She makes this whole thing seem like a piece of cake. She is tall and thin and when she is pregnant she has a little round basketball. As soon as she delivers, she looks completely normal again. If she was ever sick during her pregnancy, she never showed it and she prefers home water births of which I've seen pictures of and again she makes it look easy. She's a huge advocate of breastfeeding and nurses well into the 1st year of life. And even through the whole thing, she is still plays a loving mother to the rest of her children and an awesome wife to her sweet husband. Before getting pregnant and seeing Kristen in her pregnancy glory, I had hope that it just wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I was really effing wrong. I understand that every pregnancy is different, but it is really safe to say I am not going to elect to do this again. And sure you are thinking, "she'll change her mind after her baby is born" but I'm 31 and my husband is 35, we certainly are not getting any younger AND we would love to enjoy our 50s with grown up children. My parents adopted 4 more children after my brother and I and they are currently mid 50's with their youngest being a 5 year old. At 65, she will be a full fledged teenager and they will be seriously tired!

For now, I'm going to go enjoy the rest of the morning because I'm feeling great and don't want to waste it. Have a blessed day! xo

Week 7 and my day in Hell

On the very first day of week 7, I puked. It was stomach acid only, but nonetheless, I puked. I sort of chuckled about it through the day and when I told Mandy, we had a good laugh about it too. I've been having a hard time cleaning up dog poop or cat/dog throw up as it would turn my stomach and make me gag. That's unusual for me. I went about my day feeling normal until bed time. I had some serious indigestion and I took a half of Tums to see if it would do anything.  I fell asleep, but was awake by 3am with horrible pain. Acid Reflux in full effect! I propped myself up on pillows, too, a Tums and drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour. Right at 4am, I was throwing up everything in my stomach including those Tums (which did nothing to help me). I felt somewhat better and went back to bed for a few hours only to wake up with the same intense pain I felt at 3am. I knew I wouldn't be able to teach and text everyone I needed to get my classes covered and rehearsals cancelled. I Googled all things that would help this horrible pain and went to Walgreens. I had read somewhere that women were taking Prevacid and I felt hopeful. I wanted to double check with the pharmacist before I did actually take anything. And so I asked him and he said anything that I take has to be prescribed by the doctor because it is so early in my pregnancy and to take Tums. GRRRRR! I told him Tums did not help and if they had any ginger drops and he looked puzzled and said he had never seen those there before. REALLY!?? I grabbed a case of Ginger Ale and a pack of peppermint gum and left. Feeling angry and sad. I popped open a can of ginger ale and put a piece of gum in my mouth and proceeded to CVS. Again no ginger drops but there was these chewy Tums that I bought as well as some Rolaids because at this point, I would try anything.

I sat on the couch most of the day and was not able to eat really anything. I fit in an apple, less than a cup of chicken soup and a few bites of rice that night. Not only was my stomach on fire, but my lower back and hips were also hurting. I couldn't understand why something the size of a blueberry was making my body do the most horrendous things. My husband lovingly said, "maybe you have a bushel of blueberries". NO! My Mom called and recommended Coconut Water and my hero went out to buy me some. Whoever drinks that on the regular can kiss my behind. It tastes very bad in my opinion. I don't know if it was what helped me or if the blueberry decided to simmer down, but by bedtime I was feeling decent and slept like a champ.

This morning I woke up fresh faced and with a headache. No doubt from the lack of food I ate yesterday. Fruit loops called my name and I am currently trying to digest them. I really hope to NEVER have a day like yesterday. It was so miserable and I was so useless. 23 days until my appointment.... praying there is a little heartbeat in there <3
xo-JV

We are Pregnant!! ...And why I didn't tell you

Just when I gave up, it happened. My period is pretty predictable. The entire cycle is about 28 days; I feel my egg drop around day 10, in week 3 I'm viciously hungry and a little grouchy, and in the days just before I start, my boobs may get a little sore, my right underarm sometimes gets sore and I get a random warning cramp here or there. Everything happened exactly like that, except the boob soreness was amplified x 100. I couldn't even let a shirt touch me without being in pain. And that's when I thought "could it be possible?" My friend Kristen, who in my mind is the ultimate baby maker (I'll explain why later), has told me that she always knew she was pregnant because of how her boobs felt. I didn't want to be excited, I didn't want to take a test right away so I waited.....5 long days. No period. I picked up a double pack of Walgreen's pregnancy tests on my way in to work (because one isn't ever enough to prove or disprove the most important thing of your life). I got to work, peed on the stick and it immediately read POSITIVE. It turned positive so fast, almost to say "you are SOOOO pregnant". I had a smile for 2 seconds on my face and then practical side of my brain kicked in. It could be false, wait til the morning and take it again. My Mom just happened to be at dance that night, taking my sisters to practice and I shared the news with her. But just as I shut my own joy down, I quickly squashed hers with my suspicions that perhaps it was wrong. I taught my classes, went home and showed my husband the stick who replied "What does that mean?" I was quick to say, it means I'm pregnant but I wasn't sure if it was 100% accurate so not to get excited. He agreed.

I woke up the next morning and quickly peed on the stick. Immediate positive again. Well shit, statistically that has to be accurate and...my boobs! Those things were out of control. My husband and I did a little happy dance and went on about our day. I shared my thoughts with him about not sharing this news with anyone other than our very closest family and the people who "need to know", my boss, his mom, my parents, his best friend (for moral support) and Mandy (who we fondly call our Shaman. She is our massage therapist, Reiki master and guru for everything health.... and my close friend).  Why didn't I tell you though? Well because this doesn't seem quite real yet. I won't get to see my doctor until February 18th (a month away) and I have no idea if my child is really alive and growing in there. The chance of miscarrying is higher during the first 13 weeks of pregnancy. I can't even imagine the pain, both physically and mentally, of losing a child. On top of that pain you have to announce to everyone you just told about your bundle of joy that it is no longer there. And what about those people you don't see on a weekly basis? The ones that casually see you in a restaurant and asks about your pregnancy a few weeks or a month after you lost it? Reliving that over and over has to be a nightmare. We waited to tell you to save face.

So now that you know, I am writing this in my 6th week . I wanted to record my journey and share the symptoms so as not to forget! Nausea has been prevalent for the past two weeks, but I am thankful that I haven't been puking. The only food aversion I have had so far is cereal. My shins randomly itch like there is 50 mosquito bites on them and of course I'm peeing every 5 minutes. I am tired and my belly is growing... though it could be bloating according to all the crazy information about pregnancy out there. My husband has been ultra nice about me resting and taking it easy, even though I don't feel pregnant some days. This past weekend I experienced shortness of breath while teaching my more advanced kids. WTH!? So I have to get creative with what I'm teaching and not go so "full out" anymore. Other than that, I'm happy and my husband is excited and we are bursting at the seams to share this with everyone we love!

xo