The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of fun, busy with family and friends and trying to get the last things checked off on the to-do list. My birthday/baby shower weekend was amazing. My awesome husband flew my cousin in and my aunt and uncle also flew in (but that was a total surprise). We received wonderful gifts at the shower and continue to be blessed with the things that we need for this little girl when she gets here. It took me a few days to recover from all the fun and I also taught my last classes of the summer last week.
I don't think I've ever felt so tired in my life. This is it... the home stretch, but it feels like a battle that continues to climb uphill and that hill is getting steeper and steeper. Visits to the doctor have been every two weeks and today was particularly interesting. My doctors office is located across the street from the hospital; there is a parking garage in which I always park on the 2nd floor, walk down a flight of stairs, cross the street and take the elevator up to the 8th floor to the doctor. Up until today I always took those stairs like a champ, feeling great and never had a complaint. Today I wished for a wheelchair, an ice water, and the elevator. This weekend my husband told me I looked so miserable. The truth is, I feel miserable. I want to live in the frozen food isle at the grocery store because its the only place that I feel cool. Sleeping is increasingly difficult and some mornings I'm up at 4:30. When I shift positions, it is often painful because the baby is weighing so heavy to one side, she too has to adjust. I can't take naps due to my migraines and I'm so tired of food. Many of you just laugh at that, but it is so true. I'm so sick of eating. I don't even want to look at food anymore! Previously I would see women at the grocery store or randomly around town looking disheveled, no makeup, hair in ponytail, clothes that don't matter.... this is now me. My passion for makeup is so big, but I can't even bare to do it now more than a few times a week. This is the wall. I've hit it. I can do nothing else but wait 6 more weeks for this angel baby to get here.
Although the trek from the parking garage was hot and tiring, my doctor's appointment went well. Heart beat sounded great, I gained 3 lbs (total of 24 now) and the doctor estimates the baby is around 4 pounds right now. I see him again in 2 weeks and get my Streptococcus test then. After that It's every week! She has been head down since my last visit and continues to be in that position. I've been having a little anxiety about the actual delivery, but I think its more because I don't know when it will happen (control freak right here) than because of the pain. I can endure pain because I know it will end at some point. But for now- keep baking the bun! Xo- JV
Monday, July 28, 2014
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Delivery Horror Story
Every Mom has a story to tell you; about their pregnancy, about the birth of their child, about how different one child is to the next, the good, the bad, and the unpleasantness of being awake all hours of the night. One of the first thing someone said to me when I got pregnant was not to listen to the delivery horror stories. Everyone is different, every delivery is different and I should not let someone's horror story scare me. I didn't realize how important that was until yesterday.
As I'm talking to another Mom about their child, they bring up that they had a midwife and gave birth at home (which I applaud every time). She continued her story with 38 hours of labor, an over 9lb baby and having to basically poison herself with castor oil to get her labor going. At this point, I may have had a look of "OH MY...What the?" on my face. She also let me know that so many times, the doctors at the hospital wanted to induce her because she was past 40 weeks and because of her weight. She ignored them all and had the baby at home at 42 weeks; again Bravo! Then she started to bash the hospital I will be delivering in (not knowing I was going to deliver there). She said they have a 38% emergency c-section rate, and that 7 of her girlfriends had their babies there and they were ALL c-sections. No matter what my birth plan says they will try to bully me into starting my labor/breaking my water/ etc. etc. etc. At this point, all I could do was listen and nod politely because I just couldn't believe my ears. After finishing her rant, she asked what my plan was. I smiled and said where I would be delivering, who my doctor was and initially I did want a c-section but because of timing and work, I will try to deliver my baby with an epidural. She was a little taken aback, and I'm sure wondering if she had offended me. I explained that I am not one to be bullied into anything regardless the situation. She explained that you are in a different state of mind, and that I would be more easily persuaded. Again I just nodded and accepted what she said (she doesn't really know me very well). After she left, I sat and thought to myself a few minutes before proceeding with my day. I wanted to thank the person who told me not to pay attention to such horror stories (though for the life of me, I can't remember who it was) and second, I thought about my doctor and how I trust him. If the baby or myself were truly in danger, he would tell me without hesitation and I am not opposed to a little help so I'm not in agony for hours and hours trying to deliver the baby.
To this woman I would like to say "Thank You". Thank you for giving me that "horror story" that I was warned about and sharing your birthing story with me. I'm not scared because I know that the pain is temporary and so many women before me have done it, with or without drugs, c-section or not. However it happens, I'll hold my baby in my arms at the end of it all and will have another story to share with others.
xo-JV
As I'm talking to another Mom about their child, they bring up that they had a midwife and gave birth at home (which I applaud every time). She continued her story with 38 hours of labor, an over 9lb baby and having to basically poison herself with castor oil to get her labor going. At this point, I may have had a look of "OH MY...What the?" on my face. She also let me know that so many times, the doctors at the hospital wanted to induce her because she was past 40 weeks and because of her weight. She ignored them all and had the baby at home at 42 weeks; again Bravo! Then she started to bash the hospital I will be delivering in (not knowing I was going to deliver there). She said they have a 38% emergency c-section rate, and that 7 of her girlfriends had their babies there and they were ALL c-sections. No matter what my birth plan says they will try to bully me into starting my labor/breaking my water/ etc. etc. etc. At this point, all I could do was listen and nod politely because I just couldn't believe my ears. After finishing her rant, she asked what my plan was. I smiled and said where I would be delivering, who my doctor was and initially I did want a c-section but because of timing and work, I will try to deliver my baby with an epidural. She was a little taken aback, and I'm sure wondering if she had offended me. I explained that I am not one to be bullied into anything regardless the situation. She explained that you are in a different state of mind, and that I would be more easily persuaded. Again I just nodded and accepted what she said (she doesn't really know me very well). After she left, I sat and thought to myself a few minutes before proceeding with my day. I wanted to thank the person who told me not to pay attention to such horror stories (though for the life of me, I can't remember who it was) and second, I thought about my doctor and how I trust him. If the baby or myself were truly in danger, he would tell me without hesitation and I am not opposed to a little help so I'm not in agony for hours and hours trying to deliver the baby.
To this woman I would like to say "Thank You". Thank you for giving me that "horror story" that I was warned about and sharing your birthing story with me. I'm not scared because I know that the pain is temporary and so many women before me have done it, with or without drugs, c-section or not. However it happens, I'll hold my baby in my arms at the end of it all and will have another story to share with others.
xo-JV
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Week 30
When I hit the 30 week mark this Saturday, my brain kicked into overdrive with all the things that needed to get done before this baby gets here. I basically want to redo my entire house. LMAO! It's not going to happen, but if I could, I would get every surface repainted, cleaned, organized, and decluttered. So the nesting has begun. The baby's carpet has been washed and is simply awaiting the arrival of furniture.
I went to the doctors today and from this day forward, I will see him every 2 weeks, then eventually once a week. Now before you read any more- this is my disclaimer. If you are squeamish, prude or don't care to know about the harsh realities of pregnancies- DO NOT READ ON. If you can't hear or say the word VAGINA or discuss bodily functions---turn back now--- you have been warned!
Since the very beginning of this pregnancy I have said, this isn't for me. There is nothing about this that makes me think I want to do this again. And for all of you who are saying, "yes but you will change your mind once you hold that baby", I say- You don't know who you are talking to. There is no doubt in my mind that I will not want to do this again. AND I am black and white- there is no grey. I will tell you how it is, no matter the circumstance (and some people think I'm a bitch for this) but that is why this blog is called Reality Check. Now, I understand that there will be this crazy amazing love for my child, and I will never be in love with anything so much in my life once I hold her. But everything leading up to it is unpleasant, and not so beautiful. The ONLY part of this pregnancy that has been fun is watching and feeling her move, but even then she sometimes hurts. I'm 18 lbs heavier and this isn't an easy thing for me to live with. The thought of gaining 5-10 more lbs is killing me. I'm already really uncomfortable and sleeping has become a game of which pillow goes where and how many times can I get up to pee. The doctor says to me today "The baby is growing like a weed"! Translation- This kid is going to rip you a new one. He then says "She is trying to be in breech position". Translation- C-section. LOL I know a lot can change in the next couple of weeks but that's literally what runs through my head.
I have also hit the point of zero patience. My partner in crime (my husband) is also pregnant (didn't you know?) He has the cravings, the weight gain, and though he may deny it - the mood swings. He too wants to redo the entire house and do all these home improvement projects. The two of us together on a bad day is no good. Snappy, bitchy horrible people we become. I have zero tolerance for bullshit and half the time I don't even want him to look at me. In talking about the delivery of our baby, I told him that I DO NOT want him to watch that kid come out of me...and like hell if I will let anyone video or photograph. He said that he was going to watch and I said no way! Now- in keeping the love alive in the bedroom and being nothing but beautiful in his eyes, I have NEVER gone to the bathroom in front of this man or even passed gas (girls don't fart don't you know?). That's right- In the 7 years together----never once did I let this happen. Of course being a military man, he can do anything in front of me without hesitation, but really I don't care for any of my senses to be violated that way. Haaa! So I said to him, "what if I shit myself while I'm pushing this kid out!?" He just laughed and shook his head. But seriously this is a huge concern of mine! Not only is he watching a watermelon emerge from my body, but then he has to see my bodily fluids and things....no no no...this just won't do. This totally kills the magic and mystique I've worked so hard to create!
I cannot wait for this rollercoaster ride to be over. I would rather have a crying baby in my arms than no control over my body any day. When my boobs don't lay on my stomach when i sit down, I'll be a really happy gal. T minus 10 weeks to go. C'mon September!
xo-Jackie
I went to the doctors today and from this day forward, I will see him every 2 weeks, then eventually once a week. Now before you read any more- this is my disclaimer. If you are squeamish, prude or don't care to know about the harsh realities of pregnancies- DO NOT READ ON. If you can't hear or say the word VAGINA or discuss bodily functions---turn back now--- you have been warned!
Since the very beginning of this pregnancy I have said, this isn't for me. There is nothing about this that makes me think I want to do this again. And for all of you who are saying, "yes but you will change your mind once you hold that baby", I say- You don't know who you are talking to. There is no doubt in my mind that I will not want to do this again. AND I am black and white- there is no grey. I will tell you how it is, no matter the circumstance (and some people think I'm a bitch for this) but that is why this blog is called Reality Check. Now, I understand that there will be this crazy amazing love for my child, and I will never be in love with anything so much in my life once I hold her. But everything leading up to it is unpleasant, and not so beautiful. The ONLY part of this pregnancy that has been fun is watching and feeling her move, but even then she sometimes hurts. I'm 18 lbs heavier and this isn't an easy thing for me to live with. The thought of gaining 5-10 more lbs is killing me. I'm already really uncomfortable and sleeping has become a game of which pillow goes where and how many times can I get up to pee. The doctor says to me today "The baby is growing like a weed"! Translation- This kid is going to rip you a new one. He then says "She is trying to be in breech position". Translation- C-section. LOL I know a lot can change in the next couple of weeks but that's literally what runs through my head.
I have also hit the point of zero patience. My partner in crime (my husband) is also pregnant (didn't you know?) He has the cravings, the weight gain, and though he may deny it - the mood swings. He too wants to redo the entire house and do all these home improvement projects. The two of us together on a bad day is no good. Snappy, bitchy horrible people we become. I have zero tolerance for bullshit and half the time I don't even want him to look at me. In talking about the delivery of our baby, I told him that I DO NOT want him to watch that kid come out of me...and like hell if I will let anyone video or photograph. He said that he was going to watch and I said no way! Now- in keeping the love alive in the bedroom and being nothing but beautiful in his eyes, I have NEVER gone to the bathroom in front of this man or even passed gas (girls don't fart don't you know?). That's right- In the 7 years together----never once did I let this happen. Of course being a military man, he can do anything in front of me without hesitation, but really I don't care for any of my senses to be violated that way. Haaa! So I said to him, "what if I shit myself while I'm pushing this kid out!?" He just laughed and shook his head. But seriously this is a huge concern of mine! Not only is he watching a watermelon emerge from my body, but then he has to see my bodily fluids and things....no no no...this just won't do. This totally kills the magic and mystique I've worked so hard to create!
I cannot wait for this rollercoaster ride to be over. I would rather have a crying baby in my arms than no control over my body any day. When my boobs don't lay on my stomach when i sit down, I'll be a really happy gal. T minus 10 weeks to go. C'mon September!
xo-Jackie
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