When I hit the 30 week mark this Saturday, my brain kicked into overdrive with all the things that needed to get done before this baby gets here. I basically want to redo my entire house. LMAO! It's not going to happen, but if I could, I would get every surface repainted, cleaned, organized, and decluttered. So the nesting has begun. The baby's carpet has been washed and is simply awaiting the arrival of furniture.
I went to the doctors today and from this day forward, I will see him every 2 weeks, then eventually once a week. Now before you read any more- this is my disclaimer. If you are squeamish, prude or don't care to know about the harsh realities of pregnancies- DO NOT READ ON. If you can't hear or say the word VAGINA or discuss bodily functions---turn back now--- you have been warned!
Since the very beginning of this pregnancy I have said, this isn't for me. There is nothing about this that makes me think I want to do this again. And for all of you who are saying, "yes but you will change your mind once you hold that baby", I say- You don't know who you are talking to. There is no doubt in my mind that I will not want to do this again. AND I am black and white- there is no grey. I will tell you how it is, no matter the circumstance (and some people think I'm a bitch for this) but that is why this blog is called Reality Check. Now, I understand that there will be this crazy amazing love for my child, and I will never be in love with anything so much in my life once I hold her. But everything leading up to it is unpleasant, and not so beautiful. The ONLY part of this pregnancy that has been fun is watching and feeling her move, but even then she sometimes hurts. I'm 18 lbs heavier and this isn't an easy thing for me to live with. The thought of gaining 5-10 more lbs is killing me. I'm already really uncomfortable and sleeping has become a game of which pillow goes where and how many times can I get up to pee. The doctor says to me today "The baby is growing like a weed"! Translation- This kid is going to rip you a new one. He then says "She is trying to be in breech position". Translation- C-section. LOL I know a lot can change in the next couple of weeks but that's literally what runs through my head.
I have also hit the point of zero patience. My partner in crime (my husband) is also pregnant (didn't you know?) He has the cravings, the weight gain, and though he may deny it - the mood swings. He too wants to redo the entire house and do all these home improvement projects. The two of us together on a bad day is no good. Snappy, bitchy horrible people we become. I have zero tolerance for bullshit and half the time I don't even want him to look at me. In talking about the delivery of our baby, I told him that I DO NOT want him to watch that kid come out of me...and like hell if I will let anyone video or photograph. He said that he was going to watch and I said no way! Now- in keeping the love alive in the bedroom and being nothing but beautiful in his eyes, I have NEVER gone to the bathroom in front of this man or even passed gas (girls don't fart don't you know?). That's right- In the 7 years together----never once did I let this happen. Of course being a military man, he can do anything in front of me without hesitation, but really I don't care for any of my senses to be violated that way. Haaa! So I said to him, "what if I shit myself while I'm pushing this kid out!?" He just laughed and shook his head. But seriously this is a huge concern of mine! Not only is he watching a watermelon emerge from my body, but then he has to see my bodily fluids and things....no no no...this just won't do. This totally kills the magic and mystique I've worked so hard to create!
I cannot wait for this rollercoaster ride to be over. I would rather have a crying baby in my arms than no control over my body any day. When my boobs don't lay on my stomach when i sit down, I'll be a really happy gal. T minus 10 weeks to go. C'mon September!
xo-Jackie
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