As I previously warned in my first few blog attempts, this blog would take on many faces. At this junction in my life, it will be about our journey trying to get pregnant. WARNING- It could get graphic! This is my blog, and if you know me personally, you know that I'm not shy about my body, the things that happen to it, or anything else for that matter. Don't say I didn't warn you. Now let's talk about how this all started.....
In February of 2013 I went off birth control. I had made a firm decision that if I were ever going to have a baby- this year would need to be it because I was 30 and my husband was 34 and frankly, we don't want to be old parents. We were in a good place with our marriage, financially we were doing well, and I loved my job and he was getting a new job after he came home from deployment. I am a HUGE planner. I like to plan everything so there are no surprises and things typically work out. My thoughts were that I would give my system a good 6 months to get cleaned out of the junky hormones that birth control pumps into your body. HA! My good friend Mandy let me know that all that "junk" can even get stored in your fat cells and can sit there for God knows how long. I was still hopeful that my plan would still work. After the first month, the crazy periods began. It seemed to take on a pattern that every other month was the one I wanted to crawl back into bed and die. The cramps would radiate to my back and down my legs so much that it was uncomfortable to walk. Who the hell chooses to endure this shit when the pill gave me 3 day periods with minimal cramping and I was on a 28 day schedule almost down to the hour? For the sake of smooshy, cuddly, cooing babies everywhere, I endured.
My husband came home in late July and we took a few weeks just dealing with living with one another and my stepdaughter again. It's so funny to look back at those weeks because the crap that aggravated me or him was so petty (ex. I leave my shoes everywhere, he uses an insane amount of toilet paper etc.). We had been through this once before so it was way easier to integrate this time around. And the baby making commenced! We really didn't start "trying" until late September/October. According to my ever-so-awesome plan, that would mean I could deliver in July. PERFECT! I wouldn't have to carry through the whole hot, humid summer and I could still be functional for Recital and be back in action for the new season in late August. So ideal- I knew it could happen- "could" being the key word. And of course, it did not. I tried planning around my ovulation and timing it with ques that my body would give me (I can feel when I ovulate). Nothing, Nothing, Nothing. My boss would ask me every time she saw me, "Are you pregnant yet?" and of course "NO" was the answer.
When December rolled around, I was sick to death of trying and failing. I was also tired of my Mom, husband, and anyone else who would talk about me getting pregnant. I was giving up. I told my Mom that we weren't going to talk about it anymore and asked my husband not to mention it. And the crazy amount of sex? Fine and well when I was 18-mid 20s, but c'mon----who really wants to have sex that much? It even became a task for my husband, especially when the both of us were just so exhausted after a long day. And that was it. I had enough and I didn't want to even hear or think about pregnancy or babies or ovulation ever again. My attitude became "if it happens, it happens".
And that is where I will leave you. It's mid-January and I feel like that mind set keeps the stress off. I have been told that if you are really trying and you stress about it, it won't happen for you.
Have a great day and be good to yourself!
