I'm not the kind of person that gets nervous or scared about things before they actually happen. In the days before my induction, I was asked many times if I were feeling those things. I replied no, maybe not until that day. And if you think about it with an optimistic view, women have been doing this for years on end; in the hospital, at home, in the woods, jungle, caves, etc. I also knew that once that day came, any pain I felt would be over with just as fast as it came. There was an end in sight.
Tuesday, September 2nd 2014
Our good friend Maegan came over the night before to dog/cat sit. All our animals love her and she is very trustworthy. So with that worry out of the way, we woke up at 4:30am, got dressed, grabbed the bags and off we went. Sarasota Memorial is about a 40 minute drive from my house, so in a way I was relieved to not have gone into labor beforehand. We made it to the hospital and registered by 6 and were directed to our birthing suite. We got set up, I put my gown on and met my nurse (who was awesome) and laid in bed until my doctor came. He checked me and I was measuring at 3cm and 60% effaced . He inserted some medicine to make my cervix thin out even more and then left the room (approx. 7:00am). I never really felt anything- so all was well. The Dr. came back at 8:30 and broke my water. Now let's reflect on this moment a second- In my husband's words it looked as though "someone was throwing a bucket of water from inside out". I'm not sure anything could prepare first time Mom's for this experience. I am thankful however, that this didn't happen on it's own in public. You literally would just stand in a puddle. I made my way to the bathroom when I'm pretty sure my mucous plug came out and then there was blood. I asked the nurse if that was supposed to happen and she said yes. I guess I missed the part of birthing 101 where they say "after the dam has been broken you shall bleed for eternity". At 8am the Pitocin was administered. Things really didn't get real until about 11. We spent the morning chatting with our nurse and getting to know her, watching HGTV and my Mom and Chelsea came in that time span as well. And then the contraction from hell came. It was so long and mildly painful. The nurse even was shocked to see it go on for that long. She didn't want the baby to crash so she pumped me with some fluids and I thought it would be wise to get the epidural before it got any worse.
In the months before giving birth, you have to go watch a movie about getting an epidural so that you are able to get one; a pre-qualification if you will. If you think that getting a needle inserted into your spinal column is freaky, well.... it is. The feeling is uncomfortable. The Dr. administering it was very soft spoken and kind, however she poked me several times before finding the spot that didn't hurt me in one side of my back or the other. Once that medicine hit, I felt next to nothing. So much so that my legs would just fall to the side by themselves and that was just hilarious. Nurse Denise had to insert a catheter (#1-this is important later) since I was feeling nothing from the waist down. I don't remember too much at this point. I know we were watching Cupcake Wars on TV, my mom and Chelsea went to eat lunch, then my husband. My cervix was checked from time to time. At 4pm it was crunch time. I was just about 10 and Denise asked if I would like to start pushing. I wasn't against getting this thing over with! So with Chelsea on my left, my Mom on my right and my husband up by my head (because he was not allowed to watch the process) I began to push. A few good pushes and they told me they could see hair--- but this is where it got difficult. I could not make it past this point. I tried, and tried. They stopped the medicine getting pumped into the epidural so that I could feel the contractions and push with them. My doctor came in and he took over at this point. Then it got a little scary. In between pushes, I was asked to roll on my side because the baby's heartbeat would slow or she was in distress, I don't know- it was kind of a blur at that point. The pain was beginning to set in and when I would push, I felt like throwing up- which I was desperately trying not to do. Next I remember seeing a scalpel. "Oh crap- ,He's cutting me" was what came to mind. Of course I didn't feel it, but I knew it was happening. I also remember the nurse saying she wanted to give the baby more room and cathed me again (#2) so my bladder would empty. With lots of words of encouragement from everyone and about an hour of pushing- out came baby Jessica at 5:20pm. Her cord was wrapped around her neck, and I was later told that the cord was extremely long so they were not surprised that it was wrapped. She threw her arms up in the air and opened her eyes. She was very alert and very vocal. And then she was placed on my chest. I waited for that feeling- the one everyone tells you about the first time you hold your child- this euphoric, crazy love. Mmm.....nope. Nothing. I felt happiness, relief, and just wanted to look at her a while to see every feature but she was whisked away to get cleaned up, measured, weighed, etc. OK so what was going on down there?? I always wondered what the delivery of the placenta was going to be like--but I was still somewhat numb and felt nothing but poking and prodding, and eventually saw stitching. Eek. Now from here on out, I'm not sure of the order that things went, but I'll tell you what I remember. When I got the baby back, I nursed her... for 30 min on one side. Bad move. What's worse is that later I found out that she wasn't latching right and that was the reason it hurt so badly. Next the nurse asked me to get up and go to the bathroom. So I did and without any issues. I got to wear the famous mesh undies with a nice ice pack in them. Everyone was taking turns holding the baby and taking pictures and then after a short time, I was able to go up to my recovery room.
I met my new nurse once in my room and was visited by the baby's Godfather and my own father. It was fun to get to see my dad hold my daughter. He looked so happy. In between these visits the nurse would come in and press on my belly... Hey no one warned me about this crap! Apparently they do this so that they can make sure all the placenta has come out and you don't get some crazy horrible infection. It feels pretty horrible honestly. I had to pee- so I went into the bathroom... but nothing! The nurse gave me some tips on how to get my parts functioning again (using the squirt bottle, doing Kegels, relaxing, etc.) but nothing happened. She told me I would have to get cathed if I didn't go after 6 hours. Ok well, surely I would try everything in order for that not to happen. After 15 minutes of "Zenning" it out in the bathroom a second time--- nothing! My bladder was so full. I hit the six hour mark at like 11pm and I told the nurse I needed relief. Her demeanor was so crappy, I really wanted to hit her. She called in another nurse who was amazing and got my cath in so quickly (#3). My nurse said "OH you filled the whole bag!" once she came back and saw the bag o'pee. I really could have killed her at this point. So she chalked it up to sometimes your lady parts don't wake up fully after an epidural. Okay, that makes sense to me. I attempted to nurse the baby from the left side and again-pain and blistering. The right side had already started to scab over. There was no way I could touch that one again. As my husband, the baby and myself drifted off to sleep, the nurse came in at 1am LOUD and asked HOW YOU DOING!? LADY!!! I don't know if you noticed but I just gave birth and have been here all day- I'm trying to sleep! My husband was just as annoyed as I was. And then I had to pee again! But nothing came out and I felt defeated at this point. I told the nurse I didn't care if they had to cath me again, but I seriously had to go. ANOTHER nurse (coincidentally her name was Jacky) came in (not the same pretty one from last time) and tried to put on in--- and failed! She had to call the pretty one in who did it in record time. (#4) They left this one in overnight. Time to nurse again---SO PAINFUL. I told jerk nurse #1 and nurse Jacky that I don't think I was able to let the baby latch on again it was incredibly painful and the right one was stabbed already. They basically told me to suck it up buttercup but used more colorful words that I didn't care to hear. I was trying my best, but clearly it wasn't working out. I know breastfeeding probably would be uncomfortable but not like that. At 4AM nurse Jacky thought it was necessary to give the baby her first bath. WHAT!? This can't wait til like 7am?? I didn't understand why sleep wasn't a priority at this point in time. Since I had a cath- my husband took care of this process with the nurse and then we rested until shift change at like 7. So yes, pretty much zero sleep.
I was so happy to get rid of those two nurses, my next nurse was like a damn angel. I think her name was Susan. I promptly told her that I was having trouble nursing, I would be happy to try to pump, but my stuff was totally bloody and raw I couldn't have the baby latch on. I also thanked her for being so nice and I didn't want to punch her out like the last nurses. She sort of laughed at that. I may be a little intimidating. Next the pediatrician came in, but not ours. It was Dr. Keeley, who works in the same office, but I was very firm in my decision that I did not want her though many friends had recommended her. So when she told me who she was, I said- "OH I heard so much about you". But I was laughing inside. And so she began to sing and check the baby over. LMAO. I will never forget the look on my husband's face while he was watching and listening to her check the baby. She said the baby looked strong and perfect. After she left my husband was like, wtf!? Haha!! I explained who she was and that her singing was exactly why we could not have her as the baby's doctor to which he quickly agreed. My doctor came in and I told him about the catheters, to which he told the nurse- take it out, she will pee on her own today. He also told me I could go home today if I wanted, but only if I pee on my own. You bet your sweet pants I was going to pee on my own. I wanted out of that hospital ASAP. Nurse Susan, however didn't like that idea. She and a few others thought it would be a good idea if I stayed. No way in hell. The first thing I did was pee- yes- on my own. Then we would make our way down to the discharge class, which was taught by a dance mom who I've known for years. I felt so ill throughout the entire class but I'm sure it was from blood loss and low sugar. So I sat through class and sipped apple juice and waited till I could go back to bed. My mom came in and got the baby, and helped me back to the room. Everything was shifting downward in my body- organs and guts. UGH such a gross feeling. A short time later, Sheera (the dance mom) came in and helped the baby to latch on properly. I was grateful for the help, but I was already raw and blistered it was painful still. This is when I asked nurse Susan for formula as a supplement. Man, these nurses sure knew how to guilt you for not breastfeeding your baby. I felt no shame. I physically wasn't able to, but I wasn't giving up. I just needed time to heal. 6PM Shift change again. New nurse- Suzanne. Loved her. The baby got a hearing test and passed, and then Suzanne had to get her blood tests to send to the lab. We could not get cleared to leave until they all came back and Dr. Keeley was contacted. My mother in law came to visit as well as Mandy and Bella. Mom brought us homemade chicken soup to eat for which I was so grateful because I had zero appetite, but I can always eat soup! I fed Jessica formula and felt better knowing that she was getting as much food as she needed. Finally around 10:30 they brought in my discharge paperwork and we packed up and went home.
Looking back on this experience, I am disappointed on how I was treated by those two night nurses. I'm not an idiot. I know that breast milk is the best option for your baby. I also know when my freaking bladder is so full I'm going to have urine coming out of my eyeballs. I'm sure in training, they are supposed to be encouraging to new mothers because breastfeeding isn't always easy. But their ways of encouragement were not appropriate. Ultimately it is my body, and my baby. Listen to ME. Perhaps doing their job day in and day out they may get desensitized, but that is a poor excuse where I'm concerned, especially when they deal with brand new mothers. I am appreciative of my labor and delivery nurse who seemed to have a much harder job than my doctor did. She sat with me all the way through. I promised her I would have that baby before her shift was over, but not before she would have to tend to someone else and we achieved that goal together. She was assuring and a straight shooter, just like I like 'em. Part two to come. xo-JV
