Reality is sometimes a hard thing for people to digest. They often times turn a blind eye to the truth or maintain this picture of what "it" is going to be like. Whatever "it" is, I often times like to know the ins and outs of "it", what "it" could possibly be like even though the experience may vary from person to person or through time and space. I want all the scientific knowledge laid out in front of me. That has been my approach with many things in my life, and my "it"; Pregnancy. For me knowledge is power. The power to prepare my mind (and sometimes my body) for what will come my way. And though I may not fully understand any scenario until I experience it, I can understand what is happening while it is occurring and perhaps eliminate some fear and have the ability to cope. Pregnancy has often been portrayed to me as a beautiful thing. I often hear women talk about the "glow" and the amazing time they had during their pregnancy. I've been very real about how I feel about pregnancy, and the only thing amazing to me is that my husband and I have created a life; there is a human being living in my body and I can feel her live. She is exactly one half of me and half of my husband and I get to hold her and love her at the end of this journey. The other parts of pregnancy can take a long walk off a short pier (except the luxurious hair...I'll keep that). I can't say that I've been surprised by anything that has happened to my body because I researched and asked about it. I asked for the ugly truth and I was thankful that I got it. The one thing that I did underestimate however, is just how damn tired I would be- both in the first trimester, and in this last month. In preparing for labor, I have been doing more reading of course, but I received a piece of information that makes me smile right now as I'm writing this. One of my very "real" dance moms said to me the other day, "Can I tell you something?" I said of course. She said, "You are going to feel like your dying, but your not. The pain is like nothing you have felt and you will think you are dying but you won't". Perfection must be that woman's middle name because I needed to hear that. That was her reality, and she was kind enough to share it in a very raw and real way with no sugar coating on top.
My 36 week appointment was a quick in and out visit. They had to do the swab for Streptococcus B and I thought he may check me to see if things were progressing at all down there...but no, he said next week. When my doctor entered the room he asked how I was doing and I said "I'm very pregnant". He chuckled and said "Well that's a good thing". I laid down so he could measure my fundus (curvature of my stomach) and he said "Whoa! You really are pregnant!" And then it was my turn to laugh. Baby's heartbeat was perfect, I still am weighing in at 24 lbs gained and my blood pressure was normal. I've been feeling like my period is going to start between once and twice a day, a few Braxton Hicks here and there, and some round ligament pain in my side. Otherwise, I feel just fine. My husband is installing the car seat this weekend, and I ordered the last bits of important things (baby swing, breast pump). I am just looking for curtains I like. Tomorrow I will visit another pediatrician since the first one was a big NO for both of us. My hospital bag is almost completely packed. Can I just say that I miss work. Not many of us are blessed to have a job we love- but I love mine and I have been putting in a few hours here and there, but I miss my real schedule. I miss dancing without physical limitations. And those who think I'm crazy for not wanting to take copious amounts of time off, yes I may be crazy in your eyes but my reality is that I love what I do and I can do anything- even with a baby strapped to my chest.
Have a great week everyone! xo-JV
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