Monday, July 28, 2014

Week 34 and Hitting the Proverbial Wall

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of fun, busy with family and friends and trying to get the last things checked off on the to-do list. My birthday/baby shower weekend was amazing. My awesome husband flew my cousin in and my aunt and uncle also flew in (but that was a total surprise). We received wonderful gifts at the shower and continue to be blessed with the things that we need for this little girl when she gets here. It took me a few days to recover from all the fun and I also taught my last classes of the summer last week.

I don't think I've ever felt so tired in my life. This is it... the home stretch, but it feels like a battle that continues to climb uphill and that hill is getting steeper and steeper. Visits to the doctor have been every two weeks and today was particularly interesting. My doctors office is located across the street from the hospital; there is a parking garage in which I always park on the 2nd floor, walk down a flight of stairs, cross the street and take the elevator up to the 8th floor to the doctor. Up until today I always took those stairs like a champ, feeling great and never had a complaint. Today I wished for a wheelchair, an ice water, and the elevator.  This weekend my husband told me I looked so miserable. The truth is, I feel miserable. I want to live in the frozen food isle at the grocery store because its the only place that I feel cool. Sleeping is increasingly difficult and some mornings I'm up at 4:30. When I shift positions, it is often painful because the baby is weighing so heavy to one side, she too has to adjust. I can't take naps due to my migraines and I'm so tired of food. Many of you just laugh at that, but it is so true. I'm so sick of eating. I don't even want to look at food anymore! Previously I would see women at the grocery store or randomly around town looking disheveled, no makeup, hair in ponytail, clothes that don't matter.... this is now me. My passion for makeup is so big, but I can't even bare to do it now more than a few times a week. This is the wall. I've hit it. I can do nothing else but wait 6 more weeks for this angel baby to get here.

Although the trek from the parking garage was hot and tiring, my doctor's appointment went well. Heart beat sounded great, I gained 3 lbs (total of 24 now) and the doctor estimates the baby is around 4 pounds right now. I see him again in 2 weeks and get my Streptococcus test then. After that It's every week! She has been head down since my last visit and continues to be in that position. I've been having a little anxiety about the actual delivery, but I think its more because I don't know when it will happen (control freak right here) than because of the pain. I can endure pain because I know it will end at some point. But for now- keep baking the bun! Xo- JV

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Delivery Horror Story

Every Mom has a story to tell you; about their pregnancy, about the birth of their child, about how different one child is to the next, the good, the bad, and the unpleasantness of being awake all hours of the night. One of the first thing someone said to me when I got pregnant was not to listen to the delivery horror stories. Everyone is different, every delivery is different and I should not let someone's horror story scare me. I didn't realize how important that was until yesterday. 

As I'm talking to another Mom about their child, they bring up that they had a midwife and gave birth at home (which I applaud every time). She continued her story with 38 hours of labor, an over 9lb baby and having to basically poison herself with castor oil to get her labor going. At this point, I may have had a look of "OH MY...What the?" on my face. She also let me know that so many times, the doctors at the hospital wanted to induce her because she was past 40 weeks and because of her weight. She ignored them all and had the baby at home at 42 weeks; again Bravo! Then she started to bash the hospital I will be delivering in (not knowing I was going to deliver there). She said they have a 38% emergency c-section rate, and that 7 of her girlfriends had their babies there and they were ALL c-sections. No matter what my birth plan says they will try to bully me into starting my labor/breaking my water/ etc. etc. etc. At this point, all I could do was listen and nod politely because I just couldn't believe my ears. After finishing her rant, she asked what my plan was. I smiled and said where I would be delivering, who my doctor was and initially I did want a c-section but because of timing and work, I will try to deliver my baby with an epidural. She was a little taken aback, and I'm sure wondering if she had offended me. I explained that I am not one to be bullied into anything regardless the situation. She explained that you are in a different state of mind, and that I would be more easily persuaded. Again I just nodded and accepted what she said (she doesn't really know me very well). After she left, I sat and thought to myself a few minutes before proceeding with my day. I wanted to thank the person who told me not to pay attention to such horror stories (though for the life of me, I can't remember who it was) and second, I thought about my doctor and how I trust him. If the baby or myself were truly in danger, he would tell me without hesitation and I am not opposed to a little help so I'm not in agony for hours and hours trying to deliver the baby.

To this woman I would like to say "Thank You". Thank you for giving me that "horror story" that I was warned about and sharing your birthing story with me. I'm not scared because I know that the pain is temporary and so many women before me have done it, with or without drugs, c-section or not. However it happens, I'll hold my baby in my arms at the end of it all and will have another story to share with others.

xo-JV

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Week 30

       When I hit the 30 week mark this Saturday, my brain kicked into overdrive with all the things that needed to get done before this baby gets here. I basically want to redo my entire house. LMAO! It's not going to happen, but if I could, I would get every surface repainted, cleaned, organized, and decluttered. So the nesting has begun. The baby's carpet has been washed and is simply awaiting the arrival of furniture.

         I went to the doctors today and from this day forward, I will see him every 2 weeks, then eventually once a week.  Now before you read any more- this is my disclaimer. If you are squeamish, prude or don't care to know about the harsh realities of pregnancies- DO NOT READ ON. If you can't hear or say the word VAGINA or discuss bodily functions---turn back now--- you have been warned!

                Since the very beginning of this pregnancy I have said, this isn't for me. There is nothing about this that makes me think I want to do this again. And for all of you who are saying, "yes but you will change your mind once you hold that baby", I say- You don't know who you are talking to. There is no doubt in my mind that I will not want to do this again. AND I am black and white- there is no grey. I will tell you how it is, no matter the circumstance (and some people think I'm a bitch for this) but that is why this blog is called Reality Check. Now, I understand that there will be this crazy amazing love for my child, and I will never be in love with anything so much in my life once I hold her. But everything leading up to it is unpleasant, and not so beautiful. The ONLY part of this pregnancy that has been fun is watching and feeling her move, but even then she sometimes hurts. I'm 18 lbs heavier and this isn't an easy thing for me to live with.  The thought of gaining 5-10 more lbs is killing me. I'm already really uncomfortable and sleeping has become a game of which pillow goes where and how many times can I get up to pee. The doctor says to me today "The baby is growing like a weed"! Translation- This kid is going to rip you a new one.   He then says "She is trying to be in breech position". Translation- C-section. LOL I know a lot can change in the next couple of weeks but that's literally what runs through my head.

             I have also hit the point of zero patience. My partner in crime (my husband) is also pregnant (didn't you know?) He has the cravings, the weight gain, and though he may deny it - the mood swings. He too wants to redo the entire house and do all these home improvement projects. The two of us together on a bad day is no good. Snappy, bitchy horrible people we become. I have zero tolerance for bullshit and half the time I don't even want him to look at me. In talking about the delivery of our baby, I told him that I DO NOT want him to watch that kid come out of me...and like hell if I will let anyone video or photograph. He said that he was going to watch and I said no way!  Now- in keeping the love alive in the bedroom and being nothing but beautiful in his eyes, I have NEVER gone to the bathroom in front of this man or even passed gas (girls don't fart don't you know?). That's right- In the 7 years together----never once did I let this happen. Of course being a military man, he can do anything in front of me without hesitation, but really I don't care for any of my senses to be violated that way. Haaa! So I said to him, "what if I shit myself while I'm pushing this kid out!?" He just laughed and shook his head. But seriously this is a huge concern of mine! Not only is he watching a watermelon emerge from my body, but then he has to see my bodily fluids and things....no no no...this just won't do. This totally kills the magic and mystique I've worked so hard to create!

      I cannot wait for this rollercoaster ride to be over. I would rather have a crying baby in my arms than no control over my body any day. When my boobs don't lay on my stomach when i sit down, I'll be a really happy gal. T minus 10 weeks to go. C'mon September!
xo-Jackie

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Weeks 25-29

Recital has consumed my life for the past few weeks. There was very little time for me to take care of me, and bless my poor husband... even less time for him. Between picture week, extra rehearsals, evaluations, dress rehearsal, parties, etc. there wasn't much time to think of baby preparations. Luckily, my wonderful other half painted the baby's room on a day that I was gone. Her colors are lavender and gray (just one wall is gray) and the theme will be butterflies and flowers. In the coming weeks, the crib and dresser will be purchased and put in the room and hopefully an upholstered glider (rocking chair that looks like a big comfy one-seater couch). I'm super visual and need the furniture to go in before I can find matching portraits and accessories. This week I'm working on washing the carpet to get ready for the furniture that we will hopefully have in the next 2 weeks.

I had my glucose test in week 27 as well as an ultrasound. My weight gain was at 15 lbs total and my glucose test came back normal (yay!). The ultrasound needed to be done to see my cervix, as I've had surgery on it twice before. But that too looked normal (double yay!). The baby was hiding her face the first time around (they did an external, and then internal ultrasound), but I think once the glucose hit she woke up and flipped. The minute I saw her face, she yawned! Coolest thing to see.





























And then I got to see her in 3D...We think that she may have some serious hair going on and check out those fingers!



































I think she has my husband's nose, but he disagrees. Guess we will just have to see. The doctor said she is in the 60th percentile for babies and she looks really good! And finally some belly comparison pics so you can see the POP happen lol. I still have people come in to work and say "whoa I never knew you were pregnant!" There is no mistaking it now !

WEEK 23
WEEK 25
WEEK 28




WEEK 28

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Weeks 19-24

When I said I was busy- I meant it. I haven't seen my best friend in 2 months. In the last few weeks I doubt I've "seen" my husband a full 24 hours (sleeping doesn't count) and in the past month I've had a total of two days off. The end of competition season for dance is a blessing, but it also means we are in full blown recital mode. In just 3 1/2 weeks it will all be over and my nesting can really begin.

In week 20 when we found out it was a girl, we were just thrilled. Yes, Bernardo had hoped for a boy but all along he suspected he would have another little pretty princess to watch over. He also decided he may need another gun and he must stock up on ammo. When he told Nadia (his first daughter who was also hoping for a boy), she was also ecstatic. Just a day before our ultrasound, we had to put one of our kitties to sleep, so we all went from crying one day to enthusiasm the next. It was a very emotionally draining week. The two people who were the most thrilled were my parents. I promised my Dad that if it was a girl, we would call him first. He also told me if it was a boy, to lie to him lol. So once we got in the car and out of the parking garage, we pulled over and put him on speaker phone. When we told him it was a girl, he thought we were pulling his leg, but once we assured him it was true, he let out a "wooohoooo!" and my husband went over later to celebrate with cigars and a nice bottle of scotch. My mom had to go shopping that weekend and bought the baby 5 or 6 new outfits. She couldn't contain her shopping craving any longer!

All along I have looked like I just gained a few pounds, but no one really noticed that I was pregnant unless I told them. Until around week 22/23. I had two moms at the studio say, "You popped". They were right. I got real pregnant, real fast. I am in desperate need of some maternity clothes, but because of time restrictions I have managed to buy one pair of shorts that fit me comfortably and I'm slowly running out of shirts long enough to cover my entire belly.

I've had no real cravings as of yet other than smoothies. I don't care what flavor, I just want them like 3 times a week (could be worse right?). The baby's movement has progressed from a kick here and there to full blown cartwheels and dance parties. I can feel her twisting, turning, and stretching any time I'm seated. She doesn't move very much when I'm teaching or walking around, with the exception of last night. She was so low that it felt as if she was dancing on my bladder during one of my classes. It was incredibly uncomfortable and thankfully she moved after about 20 minutes. In the past month I have gained 5 pounds, putting my weight gain total at 13 pounds total with 3 months left to go! Indigestion has not been a problem since I've cut out spicy foods (I miss you Mexican food!) and eat around every 2 - 3 hours. There has definitely been some round ligament pain and a little sciatic twinginess (that's a word right?) but overall it has been smooth sailing since I left that nasty first trimester.

I have my glucose test and another ultrasound in 3 weeks. I'm not really worried about gestational diabetes considering my weight and family history. The doctor asked to get my cervix looked at during the ultrasound again because I have had two surgeries on it in the past. I have cervical dysplasia and I believe I had my last surgery 2 years ago where they had to laser out a portion to remove "bad" cells. At 20 weeks my cervix looked great, so here is to hoping that everything stays awesome! The only complication I've heard from a woman with the same issue was that because of her scar tissue, she could not dilate. And now I have to go do housewife things before I head off to work. Hope everyone enjoys their long weekend- I know I will enjoy 2 whole days off!! xo

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Week 18 and my world full of weird

Sometimes I wonder if the universe groups weird events and weird people all together and sort of dumps them on me all at one time. To me, the changes my body is going through is definitely weird and takes a great deal of getting used to. Going back to a previous post, I'm in front of the mirror more times than I'm not. I still forget that I'm pregnant and sometimes while I teach, I catch a glimpse of myself and get surprised! I forget that my belly is growing and I feel normal for the most part. It's kind of funny actually. So many of the moms at the studio and my husband's family have commented on how little my belly is- but it just feels so big to me!  Anyways back to the weird stuff. It started last week with the guy in the Prius brake-checked me on the interstate and then as I passed him, he flicked me off. Yesterday, as I'm driving home I spot a man walking down the road with his hand down the back of his pants scratching his bottom! What!? I had to do a double take. Finally, I had a cyber bully try to beat me down. I belong to a FB page that supports the no kill movement in Manatee county. They network shelter dogs who are on death row, help others rehome pets and work together to right the wrongs of the shelter system. There are a lot of dedicated people there, and then there are a few who are questionable in character. One man in particular who has been banned from the site, had posted something about a recent case in Manatee county on another animal site. Someone reposted it and I asked if he was the same man who I've seen threads about threatening woman volunteers with scathing emails. Matter of fact, a woman messaged me privately and said in fact it was and she had been on the receiving end of some of those "crazy/scary emails". I then received a message from him saying that I was ignorant and that he only deals in facts and I should go back to my fairy tale land. HA! I let him know I was not someone to be messed with and that cyber crimes are serious and neither I nor my husband would let any remarks he may make get swept under the rug. I contacted the page administrator and told her what transpired and she too received some crappy email from this guy. After all of this, I'm wondering what else could possibly happen. What other weirdness is the universe is going to throw at me this week?

Bernardo and I are anxiously waiting for week 20 when we find out the sex of the baby. He is convinced it is a girl, but I have no feeling one way or the other. I have had an aversion to eggs... not cooked ones, but ones that just get cracked opened. I cannot cook them without getting queasy, but I can eat them okay as long as its not first thing in the morning. So strange. I've had no real cravings, I'm just hungry like every 2 hours. Sleep has been okay. I definitely miss sleeping on my stomach and now my back. I think that I've become a little more impatient. I hate standing in line and my dog is increasingly aggravating when he won't poop! LOL. The little things right? I discovered how real mommy brain is yesterday and I could barely form a cohesive thought or remember what I was searching for, or even know my right from my left. I hope that isn't forever! I've felt the baby move a few times, very small and slight but good to know it's alive and kicking. The dreaded trip to the maternity store is going to have to happen soon. All my growing is in my belly thankfully, but I cannot button my shorts and sit down comfortably anymore. *sigh* Off to make banana bread :) Have a blessed day! xo

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Have Baby, will travel

I just realized how busy I have been in the past two weeks when I saw that my last post was about week 14. Today marks week 17 and all is well in Baby Land. A lot of my dancers and their parents have been asking if I'm going to or if I have already found out the sex of the baby... The answer is no, I haven't found out yet, and yes we will definitely be finding out. I like to plan everything. I even tried to plan this pregnancy to the month, however my efforts were thwarted by higher powers. I think He likes to keep me in check; just reminds me that I can't always be in control. Trust me I know, but that doesn't mean I won't try. The past few weeks have been spent getting ready for our first dance competition of the season. Rehearsals, sewing, stoning, gluing, more rehearsals, shopping for props, makeup, etc. And here I am sitting in the hotel room waiting for the clock to strike 10pm so I can allow my body to get the sleep it's asking for. I would have to say that the hardest part of traveling while pregnant is not knowing if the bed is going to allow you to have a decent night of sleep and (while at competitions) the constant urge to have to pee while watching and waiting. Waiting.... there is so much of that here. I spoke to my husband earlier today and told him that competitions are a lot of "Hurry up and wait". You frantically rush to get everything you need for this event, rush to get your dancers ready and on stage at the right time, and in just over 2 minutes it's all over. You then sit and wait, sometimes for hours to hear the results of the competition. And each time you do this (especially if you have multiple dances in one day as we do tomorrow), you have a big adrenaline dump while you are sitting and waiting and then again after awards... over and over again.
You eat bad food and have the potential to be sick by the time the weekend is over because there are so many people and your body is clearly exhausted.

Alright enough about that, you want to know about the baby. Last week was my doctors appointment. I thought I was going to have an ultrasound and perhaps find out the sex of the baby. My husband happened to take the day off and my stepdaughter was on Spring Break so we all went in together. Well we were both disappointed when my nurse told us we were just going to hear the heartbeat that day. The look on my husband's face was so disappointing and also (I believe) a little bit of blame. I explained that when they tell me when my next appointment is, they don't tell me what is going to go on. I assumed that this was the next step, and unfortunately it wasn't. It was great to hear the baby's heartbeat at 160 and to know that I gained 2 pounds since this whole thing started....I lost 5 at the beginning. April 22nd is THE day! They will do bone measurements and find out the sex of the baby. My blood pressure is low 105/53, and yes this is normal for me. I haven't had any cravings and I am finally REALLY showing. Coconut Oil everyday!  Every morning I wake up stuffy, and it's allergy season to top it off. The other night I got up to go to the bathroom and felt the baby move when I layed back down. It was very cool. All in all I feel great. I think my body is looking a little bit alien like right now, and my husband is being awesome to his preggo wife ;)