We are Pregnant!! ...And why I didn't tell you

Just when I gave up, it happened. My period is pretty predictable. The entire cycle is about 28 days; I feel my egg drop around day 10, in week 3 I'm viciously hungry and a little grouchy, and in the days just before I start, my boobs may get a little sore, my right underarm sometimes gets sore and I get a random warning cramp here or there. Everything happened exactly like that, except the boob soreness was amplified x 100. I couldn't even let a shirt touch me without being in pain. And that's when I thought "could it be possible?" My friend Kristen, who in my mind is the ultimate baby maker (I'll explain why later), has told me that she always knew she was pregnant because of how her boobs felt. I didn't want to be excited, I didn't want to take a test right away so I waited.....5 long days. No period. I picked up a double pack of Walgreen's pregnancy tests on my way in to work (because one isn't ever enough to prove or disprove the most important thing of your life). I got to work, peed on the stick and it immediately read POSITIVE. It turned positive so fast, almost to say "you are SOOOO pregnant". I had a smile for 2 seconds on my face and then practical side of my brain kicked in. It could be false, wait til the morning and take it again. My Mom just happened to be at dance that night, taking my sisters to practice and I shared the news with her. But just as I shut my own joy down, I quickly squashed hers with my suspicions that perhaps it was wrong. I taught my classes, went home and showed my husband the stick who replied "What does that mean?" I was quick to say, it means I'm pregnant but I wasn't sure if it was 100% accurate so not to get excited. He agreed.

I woke up the next morning and quickly peed on the stick. Immediate positive again. Well shit, statistically that has to be accurate and...my boobs! Those things were out of control. My husband and I did a little happy dance and went on about our day. I shared my thoughts with him about not sharing this news with anyone other than our very closest family and the people who "need to know", my boss, his mom, my parents, his best friend (for moral support) and Mandy (who we fondly call our Shaman. She is our massage therapist, Reiki master and guru for everything health.... and my close friend).  Why didn't I tell you though? Well because this doesn't seem quite real yet. I won't get to see my doctor until February 18th (a month away) and I have no idea if my child is really alive and growing in there. The chance of miscarrying is higher during the first 13 weeks of pregnancy. I can't even imagine the pain, both physically and mentally, of losing a child. On top of that pain you have to announce to everyone you just told about your bundle of joy that it is no longer there. And what about those people you don't see on a weekly basis? The ones that casually see you in a restaurant and asks about your pregnancy a few weeks or a month after you lost it? Reliving that over and over has to be a nightmare. We waited to tell you to save face.

So now that you know, I am writing this in my 6th week . I wanted to record my journey and share the symptoms so as not to forget! Nausea has been prevalent for the past two weeks, but I am thankful that I haven't been puking. The only food aversion I have had so far is cereal. My shins randomly itch like there is 50 mosquito bites on them and of course I'm peeing every 5 minutes. I am tired and my belly is growing... though it could be bloating according to all the crazy information about pregnancy out there. My husband has been ultra nice about me resting and taking it easy, even though I don't feel pregnant some days. This past weekend I experienced shortness of breath while teaching my more advanced kids. WTH!? So I have to get creative with what I'm teaching and not go so "full out" anymore. Other than that, I'm happy and my husband is excited and we are bursting at the seams to share this with everyone we love!

xo

Baby Fever

As I previously warned in my first few blog attempts, this blog would take on many faces. At this junction in my life, it will be about our journey trying to get pregnant. WARNING- It could get graphic! This is my blog, and if you know me personally, you know that I'm not shy about my body, the things that happen to it, or anything else for that matter. Don't say I didn't warn you. Now let's talk about how this all started.....

In February of 2013 I went off birth control. I had made a firm decision that if I were ever going to have a baby- this year would need to be it because I was 30 and my husband was 34 and frankly, we don't want to be old parents.  We were in a good place with our marriage, financially we were doing well, and I loved my job and he was getting a new job after he came home from deployment. I am a HUGE planner. I like to plan everything so there are no surprises and things typically work out. My thoughts were that I would give my system a good 6 months to get cleaned out of the junky hormones that birth control pumps into your body. HA! My good friend Mandy let me know that all that "junk" can even get stored in your fat cells and can sit there for God knows how long. I was still hopeful that my plan would still work. After the first month, the crazy periods began. It seemed to take on a pattern that every other month was the one I wanted to crawl back into bed and die. The cramps would radiate to my back and down my legs so much that it was uncomfortable to walk. Who the hell chooses to endure this shit when the pill gave me 3 day periods with minimal cramping and I was on a 28 day schedule almost down to the hour?  For the sake of smooshy, cuddly, cooing babies everywhere, I endured.

My husband came home in late July and we took a few weeks just dealing with living with one another and my stepdaughter again. It's so funny to look back at those weeks because the crap that aggravated me or him was so petty (ex. I leave my shoes everywhere, he uses an insane amount of toilet paper etc.). We had been through this once before so it was way easier to integrate this time around. And the baby making commenced! We really didn't start "trying" until late September/October. According to my ever-so-awesome plan, that would mean I could deliver in July. PERFECT! I wouldn't have to carry through the whole hot, humid summer and I could still be functional for Recital and be back in action for the new season in late August. So ideal- I knew it could happen- "could" being the key word. And of course, it did not. I tried planning around my ovulation and timing it with ques that my body would give me (I can feel when I ovulate). Nothing, Nothing, Nothing. My boss would ask me every time she saw me, "Are you pregnant yet?" and of course "NO" was the answer.

When December rolled around, I was sick to death of trying and failing. I was also tired of my Mom, husband, and anyone else who would talk about me getting pregnant. I was giving up. I told my Mom that we weren't going to talk about it anymore and asked my husband not to mention it. And the crazy amount of sex? Fine and well when I was 18-mid 20s, but c'mon----who really wants to have sex that much? It even became a task for my husband, especially when the both of us were just so exhausted after a long day. And that was it. I had enough and I didn't want to even hear or think about pregnancy or babies or ovulation ever again. My attitude became "if it happens, it happens".
And that is where I will leave you. It's mid-January and I feel like that mind set keeps the stress off. I have been told that if you are really trying and you stress about it, it won't happen for you.
Have a great day and be good to yourself!

Falling off the Bandwagon

My life, like so many other's, is cyclical. Mine just happens to be in rhythm with the dance season. Here is how it goes: August: You feel your best and look your best for all those new families you meet at the beginning of the dance year. November: You are running out of juice and you desperately want a vacation. December: Xmas vacation couldn't come soon enough and you gorge on all the holiday goodies you receive from your students, then gorge some more on all the holiday foods that your friends and family have prepared. January: New Year New YOU! Working out as much as humanly possible because you feel refreshed and revived after that 2 week break.  April/May: Competition Season has you slipping a little. May/June: RECITAL SEASON in full swing.....your eating habits and sleeping patterns are thrown right out the window! SUMMER: AHHHHHHH! Thank God its over....Now back to your regularly scheduled life.

Back when I started this blog (In January...time coincidence...I think not!) I had more than one goal. First and foremost was to see how all these crazy workouts really worked on my body. Second was to be in shape for a surprise gift for my husband on our anniversary. I wanted to be in the best shape of my life for a boudoir photo shoot. Since deciding we were going to try for a baby this year, I knew that this might be the last opportunity to look this way. My Grandma stayed tiny after she had 4 kids, my Mom has insane stretch marks after birthing my brother and I (Battle scars...thanks Mama). I have NO idea what my body will do and I wanted something to remind me and my husband what perfection (yeah I said that) looked like on my body. I didn't achieve the look I wanted in the time I had......So I crash dieted. I eat very minimal calories, workout like a dog, and BOOM - after 2 weeks of a little suffering, I get the results I want. It has never been a big deal to me to cut weight this way until now.  Those pounds I took off came crashing back after Recital season and now I feel huge. Here we are in summer and I am back to normal.

I don't like these cycles. I want to be able to eat clean and workout throughout the year regardless of what season it is. How do I make this happen? I have no idea but I'm going to attempt this season. My husband and I have a tropical trip planned for August and I would like to get to a better place before then. No crash diets, only goodness and workouts until then. I'm starting today, with my Spirutein shake (made with lactose free organic fat free milk, a banana and a handful of strawberries) and a Pilates class this morning. Will I wake up sore tomorrow--OH YES..but I look forward to it.

A Bad Week

I was very much in love with the 300 abs routine I was supposed to do this week, but I ran into a bit of a snag. My husband and I have decided that we should try to have a baby this year. I have been on birth control for 14 years with only 1 six month break. Needless to say, I went off of it 2 weeks ago. This week I began to show signs of withdrawal- nausea and headache at the same time each day for 4 days, followed by dizziness and absolute loss of appetite. I wanted nothing to do with food for 3 days and barely ate. Yesterday (Saturday) was the very first time that I ate three square meals and a snack! I didn't realize how much I missed food! Monday was the only day I did exactly what I was supposed to do- Full 30 min cardio on the elliptical and weights for my arms and the 300 ab workout. Wednesday I snuck in 30 min of cardio and leg work before the nausea kicked in. I'm disappointed that I was unable to follow through.

I have decided to restart this program beginning tomorrow and I am happy to feel like myself again. I found a new app on my phone called "Lose it!" It tracks the calories you eat every day as well as your workouts and helps you to achieve your weight loss goals. Its so cool, I made my husband download it as well!  -J

300 abs- Day 1

Food:
Breakfast- Bagel & Cream Cheese
Snack- coconut LaraBar
Lunch: Organic MacNcheese and a jello
Snack: Apple
Dinner- Chicken cutlet and pasta aioli

Went to the gym this morning and did 30 min of cardio on the elliptical on a random setting (it increases and decreases resistance at random) then did a killer arm/chest workout. I weighed myself and I'm down 2 lbs!! 3 weeks and 2 lbs...I'll take it. Like I said, I don't have much to lose, so with muscle swapping out with fat my numbers are not going to be huge. Tonight I came home and did the 300 ab workout---killer! Toe touches and reverse crunch really did the trick! I am pretty sure I'll be sore tomorrow!

300 Abs!!

 

You remember the movie 300 don't you?? Every man's abs are a perfect specimen of strength and power? Newsflash---the majority had some awesome airbrush work done. However, the idea of this workout is to create some killer looking abs. I LOVE how at the beginning of this picture it says to do this workout with cardio and/or strength training. YES!! Every workout should have cardio and strength training. The more muscle, the more calories burned. My plan is to get my cardio and strength training done in the mornings and hit this ab plan MWF nights for 2 weeks. Off to the gym!

Summer Butt Challenge 6 and 7

Excited to be done with the Butt Challenge. Day 6 and 7 went off without a hitch. I found the exercises to get easier after the first two days. I did this practice at home and do not have weights. So I could have increased the intensity and made it more challenging. 7 days is not enough to see any real results. While I know this workout shred my muscles, there is no real change visibly. I also really felt this workout in my hip flexors (Probably from all the dang lunges!). This workout should be paired with cardio training and continue for more than 7 days for actual results.On to the next workout!